Doggie Poo & Pookie Pee

Author and copyright: E.P. Visscher

The enemy

'Argh,' thinks Doggie Poo and looks at his enemy's house. Carefully he walks into the garden and reaches the cat flap in the back door. No cat in sight. Right in front of the cat flap he sits down and leaves a turd. You can see the fumes coming off it. The cat will be so disgusted when she finds it! He walks around the house to the front door. It is all too familiar to him. He was once chased away with water by the cat's owners. Wait, he has got a little bit left over and sprays some brown poo across the pavement. Quickly he walks away and watches the door from behind a wall.

For a long time, nothing happens. He thinks of his enemy: Pookie Pee. She is a cat that always pees everywhere. It stinks horribly. Pookie is a red cat who is not afraid of anything. She chases everyone away with her disgusting pee. Himself too, he has to admit. But now she will learn her lesson. After all, he is Doggie Poo and that is not to be trifled with. Doggie Poo got his nickname because he leaves turds in the craziest places. People step on them without noticing. They then angrily wipe their shoes on the kerb or the grass. Sometimes it happens that they walk into their houses with the poo still under their shoes. Doggie has seen it all. In fact, he often keeps watching. Some people will recognise him and shout, 'That's Doggie Poo again.' Fortunately, he lives in another area of the city, otherwise he would get into trouble.

A few weeks ago, people sent a dog catcher after him. He hasn't been here since. But now it is high time to tease his enemy and her owners. After all, Pookie scratched his nose open. He hasn't forgotten that yet. He, the terror of the neighbourhood, walked away crying.

There is a sound at the front door. It opens and a man comes out. Doggie sees it happen: the man's legs slip and he smacks onto the pavement. Scrambling up, he looks at his hands, which are covered in poo. Angrily, he calls for help. After a while, his son appears with a cloth. The man uses it to wipe his hands clean. Then he carefully takes off his shoes and steps inside. 'Will you clean the pavement please?' he asks his son. Grumbling, the boy fetches a broom and some water and says: 'Why do I have to clean up all this dog poo again?' Doggie is having a great time.

Then Pookie arrives. She sees the dog turd at her cat flap and runs startled to the front door. There she starts meowing sadly. Not much later, the door opens and the kitty slips inside. 'See,' thinks Doggie, 'she won't get out of her house for a while now.' Satisfied, he walks to his own neighbourhood and lies down in his doghouse to sleep. He sees Pookie walking in the garden. Bravely, he runs towards the cat. Pookie jumps into a tree and starts peeing. A cloud of pee blows in his direction. The smell intoxicates him and he has to vomit. 'Ha, ha,' grins the cat, 'what a brave dog you are.' Quietly she lowers herself from the tree and walks away proudly. Doggie wakes up again. Thankfully, it was only a dream, but a bad one. His owner gives him some water and a bowl of delicious food. Then he rests and waits for the evening.

The alliance

Pookie remains restless that day. She keeps walking to the cat flap, but does not go out. After a while, she meows until someone goes over to see her. The woman sees the dog turd in front of the cat flap and says, 'Now I understand why you came in through the front door this morning!' Sighing, she cleans up the pile and wipes the tiles with a soapy cloth. 'That must be from Doggie Poo,' she says. 'We'll be waiting for him.'

In the evening, Doggie comes running to see if his pretty little turd is still near the cat flap. He has barely made his way into the garden when he gets a bucket of water dumped on him from the balcony. The cold water makes it impossible for him to breathe. Dripping and shivering, he runs home and shakes most of it off. 'I will make them pay!' swears Doggie to himself. That night, he doesn't go out again.

Pookie has followed his trail and sneaks into Doggie's garden. She waits until he is asleep and pees against his doghouse. Then she quickly runs away again. Doggie dreams of cats he is chasing. They try to bully him by scratching him from behind bushes. He chases them all away, except Pookie. She pees on his doghouse from a tree. Even in his dream, he is not safe from her.

Early in the morning, Doggie slowly wakes up. A foul smell hangs around his doghouse; the stench of cat pee. Argh, so it is true after all. Pookie has peed against his house. The disgusting cat; he will teach her. All day, Doggie lies in his garden and seeks revenge. How much he would love to sink his teeth into her neck. What fun would it be to roll her around in his poo. He gets angrier and angrier.

After dark, the dog runs to Pookie's house. At the entrance of her garden, she is already waiting for him. Slowly he walks towards her. Pookie arches her back and hisses. Doggie moves backwards. For a while, the two stare at each other; the brown, smooth-haired sausage dog and the red cat. Sometimes Doggie makes an attempt to attack, but Pookie strikes back every time. Then the kitty meows: 'What do you actually want?' 'I want revenge,' growls the dog. 'Against who?' asks the cat. 'Against you of course,' Doggie barks. 'Why?' urges Pookie. 'You stink!' says the dog. 'How about yourself,' replies the cat. 'The whole garden smells like your poo.' 'And my doghouse smells like your pee,' Doggie barks. 'That's how it goes,' declares the cat. 'Whoever poos must also expect pee.' 'But not your pee,' complains the dog. 'We can go on like this forever,' sighs Pookie. 'You won't win anyway. I know where you live. Soon the dogcatcher will know too. You'd better be friends with me.' 'You as my friend,' Doggie laughs, 'I know what I'd rather want.' 'It's only an offer,' says the cat proudly. 'You don't have to take it. Just think about it. Now we are wasting our time bullying each other. As friends, we can have more fun,' the cat explains. 'Together we are stronger and others don't expect that.'

Doggie says nothing and thinks. That cat is not stupid. Maybe she is right. 'How do I know you won't scratch me or betray me?' he asks. 'Nothing is certain in life,' meows Pookie. 'Let's try it, then we'll see if it works out. If not, we'll bully each other again. But only if we both agree.' And so it happens. 'Will we meet at this time tomorrow?' meows Pookie. 'Sure,' Doggie barks and walks home excitedly.

Now he dreams very differently. He and Pookie walk along the streets, playing dog tricks and getting into other mischief. With a grin around his mouth, Doggie sleeps relaxedly in his kennel. He no longer smells Pookie's pee.

The battle

The next evening, Doggie runs quickly to Pookie's garden. There he hides in the bushes and waits for the cat. Soon enough, she appears through the cat flap. 'Shall we explore the neighbourhood first?' Pookie suggests. 'But I have already seen everything,' the dog barks. 'Don't make so much noise,' Pookie hisses. 'We'll do it my way.' Slowly, they creep through gardens and crawl through small openings. Occasionally the cat jumps on fences and sheds. Sometimes, she shows Doggie the way by pointing with her head. The dog gets to explore places he has never seen before. Occasionally, they meet another pet. But how can you fight with a cat AND a dog? A few try anyway, but they end up injured and flee. It is a bad night for the pets.

Tired of exploring and fighting, Pookie and Doggie return home the next morning. 'Shall we meet tomorrow night at the same time?' asks Doggie. 'Of course,' replies the cat. 'We will continue until all the animals know that we are in charge here.' Doggie likes that idea and he quickly runs home. He dreams that all the dogs and cats run away from him; even the big ones. That day, Doggie eats extra food and with a full stomach, he returns to Pookie in the evening. This time, they mainly walk along the streets. From two sides, they attack other dogs and cats. The following nights, their victims are hardly out and about.

It gets boring for Doggie and Pookie. After a week, they hardly meet any other pets at night. People in the neighbourhood are getting worried and even the vet notices something is going on. He receives many frightened dogs and cats with scratches and wounds. With special remedies, he patches them up again.

One evening, something strange happens. Dogs are barking loudly and cats are acting aggressively. Doggie doesn't feel safe. While he is on his way to Pookie, three dogs suddenly run after him. Quickly he continues. 'Get away!' shrieks Pookie when she sees Doggie approaching. Together, the friends flee through gardens and alleys until they arrive at a large lawn. The group of dogs has grown to about twenty. They too have come to the field, but by a different route. Quickly, Pookie looks around. 'Over there,' she points and disappears through a hole in a fence. Doggie struggles to wriggle through. A big, drooling dog tries to chase after them. He shouldn't have. Pookie knows how to deal with that. The dog's nose gets quite a few scratches and, crying with pain, the dog retreats. More dogs try it. The rear dogs jump on the front ones. Raging with pain, the front dogs start biting. As a result, all the dogs start fighting with each other.

The whole neighbourhood wakes up. People come running over but don't dare to separate the dogs. Some of the pets lie on the ground and tremble with fear. Even the police do not dare to intervene and call the fire brigade. They arrive in a truck and spray the field clean. Dripping with water and in pain from injuries, most of the dogs walk back home. A few remain on the ground and are taken away. That evening, the vet has a lot of work to do again. Pookie and Doggie decide to get some rest and agree not to see each other again for two days.

The next morning, Doggie's owner reads in the newspaper: 'Dogfight. Last night, about 20 dogs fought with each other. Even the police and fire brigade got involved. Some of the animals were taken away by animal ambulance. It is unclear how this could have happened. Perhaps they were excited by the hot weather.' Doggie' owner looks at his pet and says, 'Thank goodness my sweet doggie doesn't do things like that!

The angry man

After the battle on the field, all the animals are afraid of Pookie and Doggie. Cats quickly shoot under cars as the two approach. Dogs get nervous and flee. For a while, the friends enjoy this feeling. But then they begin to have doubts. Doggie and Pookie want to be important, but it would be nicer if the other animals liked them. 'We have to think of something,' meows Pookie. 'Something all animals are happy about,' Doggie barks. They think for a while but cannot come up with anything. Then they see a man walking in the distance. In front of him on the pavement sits a cat. When he passes her, she rubs around his legs. The man apparently does not like cats, because he kicks her with his foot. The cat flees and almost gets hit by a car. 'We have to do something about this,' Doggie and Pookie decide. 'We're going to make sure that that guy never bullies a pet again.' Immediately the friends spring into action. Doggie leaves a nice turd on the pavement. Then he walks into a garden and hides in the bushes. Pookie stays on the pavement and waits for the man to arrive. The guy runs straight towards her. Suddenly, from the bushes, the dog sticks a branch between the man's legs. He stumbles, dodges the cat and falls face-first into the dog turd. Furious, he takes a cloth from his pocket and wipes himself clean. Then he tries to get up, but Doggie bites his trouser leg. This causes the man to fall down again and hurt his knee. 'Ouch!' he shouts. 'Awful beast!' Stumbling, he runs after the dog, but it is much faster. Panting, the man gives up and shouts: 'Just wait. I'll come back and I will get you!'

'That's clever of you, Doggie,' admires Pookie. 'This will make all the animals very happy!' Brimming with pride, Doggie walks on, alongside his friend Pookie. A few minutes later, they suddenly see the man returning. He is wearing different trousers and waving a stick. Immediately Pookie and Doggie think of a plan. Pookie quickly climbs up a tree while Doggie stays on the ground. When the man is nearby, he tries to hit the dog. The dog quickly jumps aside and starts running around the tree, but the man rushes after him. Then Pookie springs into action. She starts peeing and the waterfall lands exactly on the man's head. Startled, he stops and looks up; now his face is also covered in cat pee. 'Ouch! Ouch!' he shouts and wipes his eyes with his hands. Shakily, he walks out into the street. Pookie sees it happen and meows to Doggie, who quickly pulls the man by his trousers, so that he doesn't get hit by a car.

The driver of the car gets out and shouts: 'What a sensible animal. That man almost got hit by my car. But thanks to the dog, it all ended well!' She helps the man to get up. Doggie wags his tail and barks as the man grumbles about his sore eyes. 'Just use some of my water,' the woman says. 'I have another bottle in the car.' Gratefully, he wipes his face and hands clean. 'Finally' he sighs, 'now I can see a bit better again, even if it's not much.' 'I'll take you home,' says the driver. She strokes the dog and lets the man get in to the car.

Pookie lowers herself down from the tree. 'We did a good job,' the two friends decide. 'That man will now think twice about bullying any more animals.' Satisfied, they walk home and go to sleep.

The mean woman

Early the next morning, the two friends are out and about again. They come across the cat that was almost kicked under a car by the angry man. 'Thank you very much for everything you did,' meows the cat. 'I think he will leave me alone for now!' 'No problem,' Doggie and Pookie say. 'We were happy to help.' 'By the way, have you heard the news?' the cat asks. 'What news?' the friends ask. 'Dead pets were found last night,' the cat explained. 'I think I'll just stay inside for the rest of the day!' Doggie and Pookie look at each other. 'We have to make sure that there are no more casualties!' meows Pookie. 'Yes, that's a good idea!' barks Doggie, 'but how do we do that? 'I have an idea!' says Pookie. 'We leave smelly messages everywhere. That way we can find out who doesn't like pets....' Having pooed and peed in most gardens, Pookie and Doggie wait quietly for something to happen. 'Look, there's someone coming!' meows Pookie. The friends hide and see a woman walking through her garden. Suddenly she pauses and shouts: 'What misery. Look at all this dog poo and cat pee on the grass! What terrible monsters have left this here!' Quickly she goes back inside. A few minutes later, she appears with a large bowl in her hands. She puts it down on the grass. 'Have a nice meal,' she whispers quietly. Once the woman has disappeared, Doggie and Pookie walk further into the garden. They see that there is fresh meat in the bowl. Doggie gets excited and wants to try it, but Pookie pushes him away. 'It doesn't smell good,' she sniffs. 'Just be careful, it might be poisoned.' 'Are you sure?' says Doggie disappointedly. For a while, the friends think. How can they find out if the food is really poisoned?

Then Doggie smells something and sees that the kitchen window is open. 'Hmm, she's frying meat,' he says drooling. 'I have an idea,' says Pookie. 'When the woman goes away for a while I'll put a piece of meat in the pan. When she eats it later we'll find out if it's poisoned.' 'But how can you carry the meat to the pan without getting sick yourself?' asks Doggie. 'Just grab a piece of plastic from the street,' Pookie replies. 'You'll see.' A moment later, the dog comes running back with a piece of paper. 'There was nothing else,' he reports and puts it down by the bowl. The cat hooks her nails into a piece of meat and places it onto the paper. Then she closes it with her paw and carefully holds the package between her teeth. Pookie waits for the woman to leave the kitchen and jumps in via the windowsill.

Doggie wonders what will happen next. It seems to take a long time, but then the kitty reappears in the kitchen window. 'All done,' she meows and jumps into the bushes like a hare. 'That wasn't easy,' gasps Pookie. 'I burnt my paw.' She licks it. 'Where is the paper?' asks Doggie. 'That's still inside,' the cat replied. 'I hope she doesn't see it!' The woman is busy again in the kitchen and puts the food on her plate. Then she walks into the dining room and sits down at the table to eat. Silently, Doggie and Pookie watch. At first nothing happens, but then the woman suddenly leans forward. 'I'm not feeling well at all,' she shouts. 'What should I do? Let me call the doctor.' The woman grabs her phone and barely manages to walk to the front door. There she collapses onto the floor. Moments later, the ambulance arrives. The woman is taken to hospital with wailing sirens. 'Now we know for sure,' the pals think and keep watch near the poisonous meat. 'No other animal should eat any of this!'

At the hospital, the woman's stomach is emptied. 'It looks like she was poisoned,' says the doctor. He alerts the police, who enter the woman's house. The officers soon find a bottle containing poison. They also take away the bowl of food in the garden. 'That doesn't look good for that woman,' says Pookie. 'It's her own fault,' growls Doggie. 'Think of those poor animals she killed.' Without saying anything else, they walk home.

The plague of mice

Doggie and Pookie notice that something has changed. The animals in the neighbourhood have started to like them. They are greeted kindly everywhere. It would be nice if the people loved them too. But unfortunately that is not always the case. Doggie and Pookie have been shocked by the angry man and the woman with the poison. Why don't they understand how important pets are? Don't they know that dogs and cats can do lots of good things for people? The friends are eager to show what they can do. They hope that the angry man and the mean woman will change their mind. 'Maybe we can get them a newspaper,' says Doggie. 'Or we could do the shopping,' says Pookie. 'Let's sleep on it,' yawns Doggie.

The next day, the neighbourhood is restless. People are talking to each other everywhere. Pookie and Doggie hear that mice have been discovered. Some people have as many as a hundred. The friends decide to go mouse hunting. After a while, they smell a familiar scent. 'I think they are here!' meows Pookie excitedly. The animals run along the side of a house. In the backyard, Doggie sees that the kitchen door is open. 'I've never been here before,' meows Pookie. 'Let's have a look inside.' Together they walk inside. As soon as they are in the kitchen, they hear footsteps. Someone is coming; it's the angry man! Quickly they hide behind a cupboard. 'Now I understand why there are mice here,' whispers Pookie. 'You see, that man doesn't have a pet!' 'He looks worried,' Doggie growls. 'Maybe we can help him.' 'Good idea!' whispers Pookie. If we chase the mice away, I'm sure he'll be very grateful!'

The phone rings and the man leaves the kitchen. Soon after, two mice arrive. They see a plate of sandwiches on the kitchen counter. Quickly, they each grab a piece of bread from the plate. 'Let's put this down on the floor and collect some more, says one mouse to his friend.' While the mice are busy, Pookie has an idea. 'We should scare them,' she says. 'Why?' asks Doggie. 'Then they will flee to their hiding place and we can go after them,' the cat explained.

Moments later, the mice climb onto the countertop again; each of them grabs a new piece of bread. Suddenly, they hear a hissing sound. The mice get scared. 'It's haunted here,' squeaks one. 'Poisonous snakes!' screams the other. 'Get out,' they shout. The mice drop the bread and disappear under the floor. Pookie and Doggie quickly run outside. Through a hole near the wall, the friends enter a dark space under the house. There they see more than a hundred mice. Doggie and Pookie scare the frightened mice into a corner. 'How do we get rid of them now?' asks Doggie. 'I have an idea!' meows Pookie excitedly. 'You're not going to eat them all, are you?' barks Doggie. 'There are far too many of them!' 'Then what do we do?' asks Pookie disappointedly. 'Let's chase them away,' Doggie suggests. 'But where could they go?' whispers Pookie. 'You don't want them to live with me, do you?' 'No, no!' squeak the mice. 'We'll go to the meadow, thank you! There are lots of plants growing there with tasty seeds.' 'Too bad,' jokes Pookie. 'I had hoped you would stay around! Maybe I'll come and see you in the meadow sometime.' The mice can no longer stand the cat's jokes and flee squealing and screeching. When they have disappeared, Doggie and Pookie climb back up. In the garden, they meet the angry man. He has seen the mice running away and is very pleased with the pets' work.

The next day, the woman of the poison comes over to see the friends. She too is suffering a lot from mice. She is not quite sure about the pets, but asks them for help anyway. Doggie and Pookie are happy to do so. That same afternoon, all her mice have disappeared too.

The friends are now loved by everyone. They are allowed to visit everywhere and get tasty things to eat. Even the angry man and the mean woman invite them over. Sometimes they miss the old days, because now they can't play tricks anymore. But occasionally, they do it anyway; when nobody sees them. You're not called Doggie Poo and Pookie Pee for nothing!

End